They’re all gonna laugh at you.

If this doll were covered in melted cheese and chewed-up chewing gum, this commercial would be like my very personal, especially horrifying version of the The Ring videotape.

Seven days. Via Videogum.

 

Always expect the unexpected.

This is some sort of advertisement, but that fact is unimportant. Unimportant to me, that is, not to those who hoped it would make them money. Whoops, people who thought this would make you money! I am way too apathetic to go to the site mentioned at the end (www.blackthinking.com). The important thing is that it features flies and a guy in a suit, and someone would probably call it “surreal.” Let’s not be too hasty with the throwing of adjectives like “surreal” about, especially when we really mean “weird” or “unconventional,” ok? It’s surrealish at best, but you know what I mean. It’s also fairly good… so watch it.

Via Neatorama.

 

Sports: I sure do love ‘em.

So… the Olympics. I keep watching them because I’m sure something amazing is going to happen, but I’m from the perpetually unimpressed MTV generation, so it never does. Michael Phelps, a fellow MTV generationiere, just won another gold medal/broke another record for swimming, and even he doesn’t seem that excited. How am I supposed to care if you don’t care, Phelps?! He’s doing STRETCHES on the fucking podium. Seriously, Phelps?

If you haven’t been watching the Olympics, here is all you’re missing:

X. That “DUNNN DUNNNN de dun Dun DUN dun DUN DUN de DUUN DUNN de DUNN de DU DUNN DUNT DUUNNNT” theme over and over and over again.

X. This scary Coca Cola ad…

X. Tiny underage Chinese gymnasts…

X. Phelps’ relay cohort Cullen Jones. How fucking cute is Cullen Jones?!

I can’t wait until this is over so I can go back to not feigning to care about sports for another couple of years. Yeesh.

 

Oooo Meth: Side effects include cleaner home.

Oh Office of National Drug Control Policy, you’re so silly. Epic fail on making meth look bad enough. Apart from the itchy wounds (which I already have, natch – Eczema anyone?) and the hallucinations, meth looks pretty handy. The house could really use a clean-up! Via Videogum.

 

The light is your true friend.

I hate commercials, but not because they’re interrupting my precious television shows or something. No, I usually hate those, too. The reason that I hate commercials is that they have the potential to be amazing, and they fail. I like short things (that’s not what she said [note to self: not funny]): short films, short stories, shortcakes. They don’t mess around with mindless expositions and they tend to be wacky. Wacky is good. When a commercial is first-class, my hundredth viewing of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 marathon is brightened for but 30 seconds, and that’s much more than no seconds, which is what it is like when commercials are bad. Like always. Don’t people go to school for this advertising thing? Is no one creative anymore? My point: if only all commercials could be as good as this one from Thailand (via BuzzFeed), I would still be alive right now. Because I wouldn’t have killed myself thanks to the fact that my life is so sad.