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Treasured Trash #1: The I Hate to Housekeep Book

21 Jul

Found at a Salvation Army: The I Hate to Housekeep Book

A well-used instruction manual from the late 1950s for those lazy housewives of the world, The I Hate to Housekeep Book doles out advice in order to maintain the patriarchal order… but with some shortcuts! Its previous owner took its words to heart, and the book is endearingly covered with personal notes, addenda to instructions, and the musty stench of fifty years. And it’s chartreuse! 

I love how all at once it can be charming and hilarious and horrifying in that way where you’re like, “OMG! Stockings?! Taking a day off from housekeeping only once every six weeks?! Looking as the Lord intended?! Nothing could ever be like this. Oh wait, it was? It was like this? Fuck.”

Are you the favorite person of anybody? Well, are you?

4 Jul

I absolutely love Me and You and Everyone We Know, as well as everything else I’ve seen Miranda July do, but I’ve only just gotten around to reading her collection of short stories, No one belongs here more than you. Such an occasion is noteworthy for the following reasons:

a) My reading materials are typically relegated to the realms of the internets and the magazines, so I just thought I’d put it out there that I do, in fact, read books.

and

b) Every cluster of words that she ejects instantly becomes my new favorite cluster of words.

For example, my initial favorite cluster of words was:

“What is the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to you? Did it involve a car? Was it on a boat? Did an animal do it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I am not surprised. Cars crash, boats sink, and animals are just scary. Why not do yourself a favor and stay away from these things.” 

…but then there were these:

“What was I doing here? Where was my Roman Holiday? My American in Paris? This was just more of the same, an American in America… I was still happy to sit there beside him, but that was only because I have very, very low expectations of most people, and he had now become Most People.”

You get the idea.

Anyway, I love Miranda July. If you haven’t already watched Are You the Favorite Person of Anybody?, which she wrote, do it now, then try and answer the question for yourself. Or eat an orange. Or both.

I think so.