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Gator Gal

14 Mar

Via Cracked.

Talent.

13 Mar

It can always get worse.

24 Oct

Kids these days.

14 Oct

Whilst idly searching the YouTubes for the “They’re all going to laugh at you!” scene from Carrie (because I had just referenced it in the baby laugh-a-lot post, ahem), I discovered that the only results for the query “carrie they’re all going to laugh at you” are fan videos for the Jonas Brothers. Never mind that this makes no sense, because these videos have stories attached, wherein said fans are dating the Jonas Brothers. And jeepers, if these stories aren’t some of the most disturbingly hilarious things I’ve ever read… This one, from user “jobrosarehott21“, deals with teenage pregnancy and bulimia. If you’ve got three minutes to read something ridiculous, use those minutes now.

They run as fast as they can to the park. Nichole ends up tripping over a rock and she falls on the grass. Nick stops running and starts laughing but helps her up. Her face is all red because she’s embarrassed. Nick wraps her in a hug until they stop laughing. They walk towards the swings holding hands walking with caution. When they get to the swings Nick sits down and Nichole sits on his lap in the “spider” position. They start swinging and kissing. They’re in a complete make-out session and no longer swinging. Nick pulls away a few minutes later to ask Nichole a question.

Nick: I want to be able to do this everyday.
Nichole: Me too. I wish you could stay. Nick: I actually had a better idea. Nichole: Oh yeah. What’s that?
Nick: I was thinking you could come on tour with us!
Nichole: Oh my gosh! That’s a great idea! I’ll have to ask my parents but I’m sure they’ll say it’s fine.
Nick: Awesome! *kisses her on the lips and they again start to make-out*

(With Kevin and Kirsten)

Kirsten: On tour? Really?
Kevin: Yeah. That way we would for sure be together when the baby comes.
Kirsten: That’s a really good idea. I don’t know where else I would have gone. Yes! I’ll come with you.
Kevin: Yes! This is going to be so perfect. Ready to go?
Kirsten: Yeah. I don’t want to have to carry all of this back though. Can we go get the tour bus or something?
Kevin: How about we pick it up tomorrow before we leave? I want to take you out for dinner.
Kirsten: Ok! Oh my gosh! I totally forgot. Kevin: What?
Kirsten: My birthday’s in a week! We’re going to be together on my 18th birthday! Kevin: Awesome! I have the perfect night planned.
Kirsten: I can’t wait. *wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a kiss*
Ben: I thought I told you to leave.
Kevin: Sorry. We’re leaving.
Ben: Good. *stands in the doorway*
Kirsten: *grabs Kevin’s hand and walks out the door*
Kevin: Is he always like that?
Kirsten: Not that mean. Oh well. I don’t have to deal with him anymore.

They walk back to Tara’s house to let everyone know what’s been going on. When they get there everyone is sitting on the couch watching a movie.

Kirsten: Mind if we watch with you guys? Nichole: No! Sit down!
Tara: Someone’s in a good mood.
Nick: I think I know why. *smiles*
Kevin: What movie are you watching anyway? Joe: Talladega Nights!
Kirsten: I love that movie!

Kevin sits down on the couch and since there’s no more room Kirsten sits on his lap. They cuddle together like that cute little couple that they are. After the movie’s done Kevin whispers sometihng in Kirsten’s ear.

Kevin: Do you want to tell everyone about the tour and the baby now?
Kirsten: Yeah sure. Hey guys!
Joe: What’s up?
Kirsten: We have two very important things to tell you. Number 1…I’m going on tour with the Jonas Brothers!
Nichole: Seriously!?
Allison and Nichole: Me too!
Kirsten: Really!? This is going to be so much fun!
Tara: *sarcastically* Yeah. So much fun. Nick: You can come too Tara. If you want that is.
Tara: That would be awesome! I’ll be right back I need a drink.
Allison: That girl has been drinking all day!
Kirsten: Ready for number 2?
Tara: Wait! I need to see their reactions! *runs into the room with a bottle of water* Ok. Go!
Kirsten: Well…Kevin and I are going to have a baby!
Joe: *mouth drops open* Wow…That’s some news.
Nick: Congratulations guys! *gives Kevin and Kirsten a hug*
Joe: Yeah…congratulations. *sad look on his face*
Allison: Aww. Don’t worry baby. That’ll be us someday.
Joe: You’re right. *fakes a smile*
Kevin: We’re going out to dinner. We’ll see you guys later. *walks out of the room with Kirsten by his side*
Tara: Mmm. Food sounds really good right now!
Nichole: We just ate like 20 minutes ago. Tara: Sorry I’m hungry again!
Allison: She’s really been eating and drinking a lot lately.
Nichole: She sleeps really late too. Even when she goes to be early.
Joe: She’s gotten a lot skinnier too. She must be sick or something.
Nichole: I think she might be…bullimic.

To be continued…

Wow. I think Joe is still in love with Kirsten or something. Perfect comment from a young YouTuber:

WATS BULIMIC???

Craft Attack! Sort of. Actually, please don’t.

12 Sep

I will tell you that I don’t like any aspect of dead animals. They’re depressing, they smell, and they usually come along with some sort of moral issue (huntin’, meat eatin’, road killin’, medical testin’, etc.) that must be addressed… But then if you happen to stuff the aforementioned dead animal and turn it into something wonderful and maybe hilarious, I will tell you that dead animals are the best.

Case in point, Chuffy the mouse. Driving his time machine. Which happens to be a guinea pig. Wow. Big spenders with creepy houses can find it at Top Hat Taxidermy. Or why not try and make one yourself? (Don’t try and make one yourself.) Via BoingBoing.

Because you can never get enough of taxidermy (you can very easily get enough of taxidermy), here is the video for George Harrison’s “Got My Mind Set On You.” And I know I’ve posted this in other blog incarnates, but nothing rivals it in terms of the best possible use of taxidermied rodents on film:

George Harrison is clearly the best Beatle.

So good, it only needs sentence fragments.

11 Sep

New Ben Folds video for “You Don’t Know Me.” Featuring Regina Spektor!
Directed by (and starring!) Tim and Eric (Awesome Show, Great Job!).
Yes please.

Via Videogum.

“Jack wasn’t even released yet!”

7 Sep

In the order of things I love, puppets and food are probably, like, numbers two and four, respectively. Imagine my excitement, then, when I discovered Cakey! The Cake From Outer Space. A cake puppet? Who is best friends with a boy with an accelerated aging disease? Who has a transvestite father (favorite thing number 8)? Man alive! I think I’ve found the best thing ever!

You can watch all seven episodes here. And you probably should.